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First published in: City GENT Issue 116. March 2004
ROTHERHAM
South to the coal fields
North to the grime
Sheffield and Rotherham
Smoke, muck and slime.
They’re full of loud noises
They’re blots on the map
They’re fuller of moaning
And chock full of scrap
From: Ruts, Dust and Dead Dogs - Further Journeys on the Highways of Britain, Wynjon Boathocks, 1899
For this guide Bradwan has done something it has hardly ever done before: visited a place before writing about it; but don’t worry; we will try not to maintain the quality you are used to; and, like City winning, it is unlikely to become a regular habit: although if we play Sheffield United and Rotherham in the League next season we will send every Bradwan operative to try and find something new, and vaguely interesting, to say about them both, although in the case of Rotherham we are not promising more than a sentence. (We did not play them that season Ed)
ROTHERHAM
Rotherham Market
The best part of this market is the semi open air bit at the top of the hill. It had a stall selling magazine back issues. You could buy something to read during the parts of the match that are too poor, or painful, to watch: so we recommend the 5 for £3 selection. It is also worth looking through the magazines just to be amazed at what people will produce a magazine about. We are sure we will, one day, find a magazine called: ‘Organ Grinders Monthly’. Which will be full of tuning tips and monkey care advice. We will then discover that it has at least two rivals: ‘Organ!’ Which will be full of colour photos, and: ‘Grinder’s Gazette’ Which will be full of black and white photos and detailed stories of organ grinding in the old days.
If you do visit the market you can also judge whether Rotherham has any chance of beating Bradford’s bid to be European Capital of FISHWUS (Faces Incessantly Smacked Hard With Ugly Shovels).
Pylon Club Rating
With so many fine floodlight pylons lost to us, because of developments that shamefully disregarded our heritage, Millmoor is now one of the highest rated pylon grounds in England. Obsessive critics on some committees may argue that Rotherham’s pylons are welded, rather than bolted, and therefore ineligible for the highest rating. We would reply that there are four of them; they are clearly visible; and the scrap yard behind the ground has two fine scotch derrick cranes to give extra interest. We would also add that although the pylon has brought light to millions, some choose to wallow in the darkness of their own little egos.
PC Rating: A+
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